Why I Teach – A Journey

imageStanding in front of a classroom full of thirty students might sound daunting to some, but to me, it’s the most invigorating part of life. The first day of class, the students flow into the room and sit in the sage-coloured chairs, their outfits crisp, their eyes perky, and their lips sealed. The weeks that follow, the students begin to start wearing sweatpants, their hair becomes frazzled, and they sometimes skip. At the end of it all, it’s as if they had run a marathon. Some run to the finish line confidently, others proceed with caution, and still others sit on the sidelines, procrastinating until the last minute. As I write this today, I am seeing off another talented batch of students as they finish their final exam.

Along the journey, these faces become the mosaic of a teacher’s life. From the very first moment that I taught in a high school classroom as an undergraduate student with big dreams, to where I am now teaching university students who display extraordinary determination and passion, each of my students remain in my memory. Thousands of students will stream in and out of my life in waves throughout my life, and for that I am most thankful.

Teaching goes beyond a career for me. I wake up in the morning and smile, despite any personal upsets or feeling ill. My students are like a reset button for me. Entering the classroom for me is seeing rows upon rows of individuals that I am able to educate, inspire, and motivate towards their goals. They may not always complete every assignment perfectly, but that doesn’t change my perspective of them as individuals. After they leave my classroom, some keep in contact, others leave forever. Sometimes life will create a chance encounter where you’ll meet again, and that’s the beauty of teaching – wherever my students will go, I know I’ve made just the smallest difference in the world.

It’s in helping my students that I feel the most rewarded. Teaching the subject matter is one thing, incorporating it into my students’ lives is another. When a student approaches me for extra information about a subject, advice in their general life, or simply wants to reach out and share something with me, I feel enriched.

My students leave me with a trail of cards, souvenirs, and memories, and I am forever grateful for them. They are small tokens that remind me of the good times shared in class and the smiles they brought to me. I continue to learn the art of generosity from my students. Though life may not be easy for them, particularly in their role as students, they never fail to make me feel appreciated and happy.

Though my comments may sound idyllic, many fail to recognize how much of a time investment teaching is. “You only teach for two hours every day? Oh that sounds like a dream job!” exclaim my friends who work cubicle jobs. There is indeed a lot of flexibility in teaching at a university, however, consider the time that goes into preparing lesson plans, PowerPoints, handouts, quizzes, exams, review sheets, and on top of all of that being accessible to students, and you have a whole different perspective. Moreover, most university lecturers don’t just teach at one location to make a livable wage. Teaching isn’t the easiest life path, but for me, it is certainly the most rewarding.

Out of all of the experiences in my life, I continue to be the most grateful for my career. In so many ways, the love and support that I feel while teaching surpasses the feeling of being a millionaire. Money can buy you a lot of things, but it certainly can’t buy you the chance to see so many incredible minds at work. As I look at the stack of exams that I dread checking to finish up the semester, I realize how lucky I truly am to have had such a positive experience with a myriad of stars that continue to blaze their paths through life. Thankful doesn’t even describe it.

Claire-Marie Brisson

Wanderlust: Escaping the Quotidian

wanderlustWanderlust. Origin: German. It literally means a strong desire to travel. The kind of desire that makes you prone to check airline ticket prices bi-weekly. In my daydreams, I’m constantly on the go, in flight, exploring and moving forward across our chaotically brilliant blue sphere. The beauty of imagination is that we can envision ourselves doing other things, even when physically doing something else. Imagine the countless times your mind drifted off to other worlds in class, in your cubicle, or while listening to someone on a horrendous date describe their own self-obsession. In my case at least, my mind has a sense of insatiable wanderlust.

The idea of travel is exciting for so many reasons. We become creatures of habit when we’re familiar with our surroundings. What we pass on our quotidian commute to work blurs into a familiar, groggy haze. We’re very prone to set ourselves on autopilot and drift half consciously through our day. We wake up, we clean up, we dress, we leave for work or school, we come home, we eat, we sleep. Repeat for 365 days, save weekends or sick days. And those days have their own routines, too.

Idle living is a direct product of the lives we’ve created outside of the state of nature. Most of you reading this belong to the first world. You have a roof over your head, clothes and shoes on your body, access to clean drinking water and some source of food, and the luxury of technology. The fact that we are able to claim “boredom” echoes how far removed those in the first world are from the instability of life in the wild, where resources might be scarce and security a constant question.

This is why we should create the question marks for ourselves in life. The thrill of going to an unknown city with no map and no tour guide might sound frightening to some – mainly because it disrupts the entire routine we’re accustomed to from day to day. Travel is the catalyst for so many other things. When we break away from what we know and enter into a world that we don’t know, perspective adjusts accordingly.

Wanderlust, though sometimes negative in its influence on what your savings account might look like, is a sentiment that is a productive longing equal to learning. A former professor once told me that the best way to keep the mind active – once students had cycled out of the education system – was to randomly pick a spot on a globe, research it, learn the language of the area, and if possible, plan a trip there. I couldn’t agree more with him.

There’s something thrilling in setting future travel goals for yourself, too. On the lackluster days where I’m confined to my cinder block office, I become my own mason and build adventures that I hope to experience one day. The best in the meantime is to reenvision each day as an adventure. Notice the oddities of your daily routine. Dare to change your habits. Drive a different route to work. Stop for lunch at a new café. Whether at home or abroad, your life is built for exploration.

Claire-Marie Brisson

Graduate Hoops – Defining Graduate Study

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The graduate student: a role that few outside of the realm of academia investigate. It is often said that graduate students are idealist perpetual learners afraid of the ‘real world.’

You’re so lucky you chose such an easy career path,” quipped an acquaintance with me once. “All you do is talk to students, write papers, and read.” As a graduate student, you will be confronted with these remarks for years to come.

As one can already tell, this viewpoint is as uninformed as it is stereotypical. Many misunderstand the labyrinth of ‘hoops’ a graduate student has to pass through to achieve their goals. Whether the end result is to become a professor, a researcher, or to hold another job title, the culture of graduate school is enigmatic to most.

Even more puzzling is the role of the university instructor. To undergraduate students, the person lecturing at the front of the room is immediately identified as “professor.” On occasion, I receive e-mails that say “Dr. Brisson.” I will be one day, but it is wrong to assume that every instructor holds a Ph.D.. For the most part, undergraduate students are equally unaware of what the words ‘tenure,’ ‘dissertation,’ and ‘part-time faculty’ mean. Throw ‘graduate teaching assistant’ into the mix, and it becomes more puzzling.

In lieu of writing an entire book on the subject, here’s a list of terminology and a few definitions that might be helpful to a prospective graduate student.

The GRE: an exam that measures your aptitude in several areas. These include quantitative reasoning (i.e. math), writing, and verbal components. To summarize, this exam is irrelevant in its content matter for the majority of prospective students. It does give a general sense of how someone works under pressure, with most sections timed for about 30 minutes. I would not say that it allows for much creativity, save for in the writing sections.

On the test day itself, the examinee jumps through several hoops, including signing legal paperwork, being wanded by a metal detector, and having their photo taken. It’s an isolating environment which, in my view, aims to increase stress levels. I highly recommend eating a protein-rich breakfast, including eggs, nuts, and milk (‘brain foods’).

GTA/GRA-ships: ‘graduate teaching assistantships’ or ‘graduate research assistantships.’ Awarded to incoming students, this is a way that one can complete a Master’s or Ph.D. without worrying about the cost of tuition. Some programs include stipends and health care benefits. Depending on the university, these stipends can be quite inclusive or meagre. At most public research institutions, GTAs teach introductory undergraduate courses. They may also act as an assistant to a professor. Research assistants are usually employed in labs.

In my personal view, the word ‘assistant‘ should be removed from this title, particularly in the humanities. I don’t assist another instructor; I am the instructor. Though lesson plans are departmentally agreed upon, the way in which the material is taught is autonomous.

Teaching will either be a frightening or an exhilarating experience if this is your first time doing it. If you did not complete any education courses in your undergrad course of study, you could try substitute teaching to see how a classroom environment feels. Although college students are – for the most part – more docile than high school students, there are many similarities. To substitute teach in a high school, you need at least 90 credit hours accumulated within an undergraduate program.

Classes and The Program: this is the obvious expected component of the graduate student. You take, depending on your program, two to three classes per semester. Certain requirements such as readings and essays will pop up throughout the semester. As I am a humanities major, you will more than likely read a handful of books. Expectations at this point are to be able to be analytical and to postulate new ideas from synthesis of material. In earnest, this is the most exciting part of the graduate program. You will learn and grow in more ways than you expected. And to the naysayers, it isn’t easy. That’s the fun in it.

If you are not prepared to dedicate yourself to your subject in every shape and form, you are not prepared for a graduate program. Although many individuals are fantastic students, being a great student doesn’t make the cut. You have to have something beyond a love of going to classes. I’m in love with my subject, and I’m prepared to analyze it and make advancements in it for the rest of my life. There is no ‘maybe’ in graduate school. Passion is going to pull you through your exams, your dissertation, your doctoral thesis, and your publishing requirements.

Graduate programs each are structured differently. Some will not write a Master’s thesis, others will have a capstone project in lieu of an essay. Checking into different program requirements is your best bet. Personally, I will be completing a Master’s thesis, oral exams, and a defense.

The Inspiration: this is not terminology, though it is worth noting. If you’re still hesitant to apply to a graduate program, consult with a mentor. You’ll find that graduate school is academically challenging and incredibly inspiring. The quality of your work – no matter what your specialty – will ameliorate in unexpected ways. Your program will be tough, yes. You will have days where you regretted it because of your workload. But at the end of it all, it’s an incomparable experience. You will be making significant developments in a specialty that interests you, and that makes graduate study fulfilling.

Should you have any questions for me, feel free to list them in the comments below, or send me an e-mail, which can be found in the ‘about’ section.

Claire-Marie Brisson

A Valentine to Myself

dearselfToo often, we forget the care we need to give ourselves. Some strive for validation from others, others crave their attention. But, in the long run, you need to respect and love yourself first before you can love and care for anyone else. That’s why this year, I’m writing myself a Valentine.

Dear Claire-Marie,

Look at where you’ve come and where you’re going.

You always had dreamt of a life like this, but you never knew that you would achieve your goals so quickly. Remember when you used to write on triple lined paper that smelled like cardboard in your thick, dull pencil? You dreamt as much then as you dream now. When the teacher used to ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up, some days you’d reply “teacher,” and other days you’d say “to be loved.” That wasn’t just profound; that was the trajectory you’ve always followed – and continue to.

Claire-Marie. You focus too much on others sometimes. That’s why you need this Valentine. It’s a reminder that you count, too. In the grand scale of things, you’ve always wanted to be the harmonizer. The one who listens to the unlistened. The one who inspires those who were told they can’t. Take some time to dedicate care meant for yourself, too. You deserve it.

Amid the papers and books you scour and scrutinize, take time to take a step back and enjoy the humble silence of your own words, bubbling just below the surface. Sometimes the greatest endeavor is to hear yourself; a singularity in an endlessly connected world.

That gapped-tooth girl with the unruly hair – you’ve looked in the mirror and have seen her grow through your marble green eyes. That quirkiness of yours has developed from being a childish charm to an eclectic maturity. It’s beautiful to watch life progress. You secretly can’t wait to see how you’ll age. Well, you expect, as all fine vintages do.

There aren’t any words that a generic card could produce to encapsulate all that you are to others; all that you are to yourself. On the occasion that you’re having a gloomy day and you feel down, remember the power that lies within you. Remember that first and foremost, you belong to yourself. You’re beautiful.

With love,

Claire-Marie

10 things I’ve learned in grad school

20150207_1412151Autumn 2013. Freshly out of undergrad and ready for the challenges ahead, I began the long road towards my Ph.D. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, and as I look ahead to the last few semesters of my Master’s Degree and Thesis, I realize that I’ve grown in so many ways thus far during my grad school experience. Though I am far from done, here are ten things I’ve learned since starting out.

1. You know who your friends are.

Having a diverse friend group in undergrad is easy. With various campus events, mixers, and parties, you’re guaranteed to meet a variety of people from different programs. Grad school is a completely different animal, particularly if you find yourself in a very small discipline. My department has less than 20 people completing their Master’s or Ph.D, as an example. You begin to rely on these people as an academic family – all while your undergrad friends are faced with your never-ending stream of deadlines and research. Your true friends stick on for the long run, and you feel really grateful for them.

2. Ten-page papers seem restrictive.

As a grad student, you almost feel restricted when your professor makes you write a shorter paper if you have a lot to say on the subject. Being precise is key, and sometimes your ideas will put you a few pages over the limit. The editing process becomes more excruciating than the writing process. Unless, of course, you have no interest in the subject matter and can’t find any resources. Then that ten-page paper is going to be as much of a beast as it was in undergrad.

3. You reinterpret your world.

This is true no matter if you’re doing a Master’s in astrophysics or a Ph.D in English. You begin to reinterpret and reanalyze all aspects of your world. The sheer amount of analysis you complete in your discipline changes the way you see and interpret things. This is also a reason why so many people find grad school to be the ideal place to mature.

4. You are more prone to receive criticism from others.

“Why are you in grad school?” “Haha, you’re a perpetual student.” “Getting a Ph.D seems pretty pointless to me.” “You should’ve gone to law school.” “What do you want to do with that when you’re done?” “That seems boring.” “Like we need another professor out there.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard these exact phrases said to me – among other things. For some reason, many people feel that they suddenly have the right to criticize you for your career choices. Others may give you “tips” or “life advice” for finding “a good job” instead of “wasting your time.” My response is more or less: haters gonna hate. Just brush your shoulders off and move on.

5. You find your own voice.

Grad school has empowered me in many ways. In undergrad, I felt more like a passive listener, mindlessly regurgitating information on scantrons. In grad school, particularly in the humanities, class seminars allow me to express my own ideas and learn from the perspective of peers. Class tangents are especially invigorating.

6. Dating suddenly becomes more awkward.

Especially when you have to explain how you’re a 20-something that teaches university undergrads while simultaneously writing a thesis. In my experience, I’ve been placed on some kind of pedestal when I meet new people and become intellectually untouchable. It’s quite aggravating. Going to grad school will place you at a distance with others, particularly on the dating scene.

7. You sit way too much, and you discover new ways to read in strange places.

Reading on an elliptical? Check. Reading while standing up? Double check. Reading while walking? I’ve attempted it with very bad results – namely walking directly into a concrete wall. (True story). You try to discover ways to be active while doing your research. It looks bizarre. It will always be bizarre. You will question your life choices. You’ll still do it anyway. Saying that, I forgot to mention that stationary bikes are a great place to read and take notes. You’re welcome in advance.

8. You have to plan things weeks in advance.

If you’re close to me, you know this to be true – I never seem to be able to do anything on weekends. Ever. Is it because I’ve suddenly started disliking you? Nope. It’s because my weekends are usually set aside for me 1) sleeping, 2) reading things I was supposed to read but didn’t have time to read during the week, 3) reading things I have to read for the upcoming week, 4) checking my students’ homework, 5) creating PowerPoints for my students, 6) studying in general, 7) watching Netflix and pretending that I don’t actually have a million things to do. Planning suddenly becomes very important. I specifically have Google Calendars and notifications set up so that I remember to schedule in people I care about. Finding free time is one huge downside to grad school, but it has made me very efficient.

9. You embrace solitude.

In undergrad, I felt awful if I didn’t have plans for the weekend. Now I realize that I do my best work when I’m able to sit with a coffee and think alone. You value moments alone just as much as you value others – and this is a beautiful thing. It means you’re comfortable with yourself. This doesn’t mean that I always like to be alone, but at the same time it does mean that you do appreciate a few hours of quiet.

10. You become unstoppable.

Grad school has given me a boost in confidence to say “yes I can do that.” No task seems insurmountable. You want to travel the world, read as much as you can, meet as many people as you can, learn as much as you can. You want to make your own personal splash in the ocean of life. Even as a small droplet, you know the change you can create. Your goals might seem lofty to others, but you know that when you aim high, you have a better chance of getting there. There’s no harm in trying. There’s a million paths to reach your goal, and only one person that can stop you – yourself.

Claire-Marie Brisson

Broken Images

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I love photography. With each snap, I feel like I’m able to unleash a mini canvas to save memories I see around me. The Internet and advent of technology have made it so easy for me, as well as other more professional photographers, to share their perspectives with the world. Although photography has become more accessible and easier than before (and its value in society has risen through the years) there also is a very visible devaluing… namely in the way photos are scrutinized to live up to another person’s “standards.”

One of the weirder – and sometimes upsetting – consequences of this shift in perspective are the things said to others that would never be said face-to-face. What you are about to read are snippets or paraphrases of messages I have received before – usually in a private domain such as my Facebook inbox – based off of the photos I have posted of myself or the world around me. As a reference, I do not have any photos that could be categorized as “provocative” or “racy.”
Some of these messages seem normal, others not so much.
You be the judge of their undertones.

– You’re such a good photographer, maybe you should buy a better camera and you can do a photoshoot of me!

–  Mmmmmmmm 😉
This one can be replaced by many other creepy messages. Be creative. I have and continue to receive creepy messages, even if I have posted a picture of a cake.

– I usually think you’re pretty but your new photo makes you look old/fat/ugly/insert other word that doesn’t fit to this person’s standards.

– I really think you should fix your gapped teeth / get a new hairdo / wear a different style / show more skin / other unsolicited comment that reflects my personal choices.

– Hi (repeat this message indefinitely until I respond with “hi”).
This is then followed by sup? / why didn’t you reply? / you’re hot / nice pic.

– Why didn’t you invite me to (insert event or restaurant)?

– We should go out to (location) because I like (insert what person liked about my photo).

– Why do you take pictures of buildings/food? Where was this picture taken? How can I get to this location?

As you can see, some are harmless, yet others could have serious implications. I’m a strong enough personality to have most of the criticism and creepiness roll off my back, but I can imagine what could happen – what insecurities could form, how these harsh judgements could make a person lose confidence… the list goes on.

What creeps me out the most are the unsolicited “suggestive” comments that are sometimes sent from the most innocent of images. I received a creepy message from posting a photo of coffee once. What sort of logic is behind that? (Maybe I could classify this as non-logic?!)

I will never stop taking photos and sharing them because of these factors. Nevertheless, it makes me wonder what sorts of other things have been said to people. It makes me question how others place or remove value based on what another person might photograph. Is the modern era that promotes body shaming and Photoshop modification to the point that the natural form is lost a true paradigm? Has it made us better people because of it? Do we always have to be beautiful enough, in shape enough, and sexy enough to be validated? Do we have to stop taking photos of things we find interesting, beautiful, or tasty because we might somehow get solicited from them?

I don’t think so.

Do you have a personal story or comment related to this? Share it in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

Memories of a Dewdrop

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One night I had a very strangely beautiful dream; the kind that stays with you forever. It came back as I was daydreaming today, so I thought I’d share it. First off, the majority of my dreams are like recreations of Salvador Dali paintings in motion – they’re vivid, full of vibrant hues, and sometimes can be surrealist interpretations of the world around me. Other nights, my dreams mimic things that happened or could happen in my everyday life.

It was a humid, rainy summer night, the kind that awakens the soil’s earthy musk with each drop. I had my window open, and the soft, balmy air kissed my cheek as I drifted off to sleep. My dreams carried me to the top of a tree. I was suspended in a raindrop, hanging in the glint of the summer sun, the rays creating a prism-like cocoon. Suddenly, the wind pushed the branches of the tree, and I fell with the drop, softly into a field. The raindrop burst, and I wiped my eyes to see a field of flowers – with all of the colours removed. It was like I had landed in the middle of a colour-by-number game. I looked around me and saw that the scattered droplets from the prism-raindrop had retained their lustrous shades, so I began to pick them up one by one and drop the colours onto the flowers until I had decorated the majority of the field around me. It was beautifully still, save for the sound of the cicadas crackling in the distance.

I climbed back up the tree to see my work, smiling with pride at what I had done. The beauty of the world was in my hands, and I had shared it to make something better. I hung with one hand from the tree, and fell into a bed of dandelions past their prime, their puffy parachutes landing all around me. This is the moment I woke up. The pillows surrounding me in bed had me duped into thinking I still was in that field when I was half-awake. I remember spending the entire day afterwards making sense of the beauty I had experienced overnight.

I drew the conclusion that my subconscious was telling me to make my mark on the world and paint it how I felt. The most satisfying part of life is expressing yourself through your own palette while appreciating others’ contributions to the mural of life.